How to Meditate Through Strong Emotions
In mindfulness meditation practice, we are instructed to rest our attention on our breathing as a way to focus and stabilize our mind. This is an ancient and time-honored approach that clearly has relevance for those of us living in the modern world — often racing around, feeling stressed out, and having a hard time catching up with ourselves!
For those of us practicing in this way, several questions seem to come up over and over again — one of them is usually expressed something like this:
“I see the point of trying to develop more steadiness and ease in my state of mind. I am now able from time to time to notice myself thinking and bring my attention back to my breath, but when strong emotions come up in meditation, I do not seem to be able to let go of those so easily. They are captivating and disturbing, and are compelling me to look more deeply at their history and meaning. Should we really be using our meditation practice to shut down and stifle our emotions?”
This is a great question, and there are several issues involved that are well worth discussing.
First of all, it is not recommended to use meditation as a way of repressing our emotions (or thoughts for that matter) by forcibly silencing them in order to achieve a superficially imposed sense of peace and quiet. Many meditators have found that they are never really able to completely pacify their mind and that holding that as the goal only produces frustration and disappointment.
The approach of “just sit there and quiet your mind,” although commonly presented, is perhaps an over-simplification of the traditional method in which we:
1. Place our awareness on our breath.
2. Recognize what arises in our minds — without trying to manipulate, judge or suppress anything.
3. Simply see what arises in our mind as it comes up. Just notice it.
4. Then let go of the thoughts and return our awareness to the breath thereby coming back to the present moment.
This sequence is what we initiate repeatedly in our meditation session — as opposed to trying to stifle our thoughts and somehow magically hold on to that peaceful state. This more detailed method gives us some ground to work with — that being our mind as it is rather than as we wish it could be. We might find this practice more realistic, more workable, and more compassionate to ourselves. Of course it is up to each one of us to determine how we will proceed.
When it comes to experiencing strong emotions in our practice, it can be helpful to notice that what we call emotions really has two major components. One is the “story line”, which we do identify in our meditation practice as “thinking” and when we recognize it as such we are encouraged to let it go and return our awareness to our breathing and therefore to the present moment. The other component is actually energy that has a life beyond the “story line” — the energy and physical sensation of anger, passion, envy, pride, etc.
In meditation practice, we are encouraged to simply experience this energy and physical sensations as they are and not get involved with manipulating the “story line” or “content.” Just let the energy and sensations be there, be aware of them, without elaborating further. This way of experiencing our emotions is very powerful and may not map at all to our notion of peace and quiet.
These feelings, rather than being seen as problematic, can be seen to be completely natural and connected to what it means to be a human being. In more advanced meditation training the emotions can be “liberated” from ego-centric, repetitive “story lines” and experienced as a direct link to communication, appreciation of the inherent richness of our own being, and the penetrating quality of insight and wisdom.
So, we do not throw out the baby with the bathwater. Our emotions, rather than feeding stale and repetitive mental habits, can manifest as the very expressions of being alive and living fully in an authentic way. From that point of view we do not utilize our meditation practice to suppress our feelings and emotions but to liberate them, by becoming more familiar with how they arise, what they actually feel like beyond acting out or repressing them, and therefore working with them in a more constructive way.
Your thoughts?
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Hello David,
Thanks for publishing this just when I needed it. I’ve been experiencing some very strong emotions this week; my mother, whom my brother and I recently moved nearby me due to health issues, attempted suicide. All sorts of emotions have been flying about, especially when discovering the sources of her suffering (prescription drug abuse and the subsequent manipulative behaviour), and I’ve found myself getting caught up in the ‘story line’. Distinguishing the emotional energy from the events that triggered them has been immensely helpful and it’s been my focus in meditation this week. I also recognised that I don’t have to do this alone so I’ve reached out for some professional support to help sort through these things (I took care to select a therapy group that includes mindfulness meditation as part of their practice). I still want to show my mother compassion and love. She is ill, not a ‘bad person’. I just have to be mindful to not get caught up on her story line any more than getting caught up in my own. Thanks for reminding me of this.
Hi Chris – First of all — you are welcome…. glad if my post was helpful to you.
What you are describing are extremely challenging circumstances — glad you are getting some help and support in ways that are meaningful for you. Taking care of the caretaker is so important. Your mother is definitely not a “bad person” — she’s just having a hard time and doing the best she can with what she’s got. You have to do what you can to help her and know that you can’t “save” her. Nobody can do that. But there is nobody in this life that we are more connected to than our mother — there is no changing that fact…. you have all my best wishes on this one….. DN
Hi David,
Thanks so much for the kind response – it was a pleasant surprise! My mom was released from the hospital yesterday – turns out it wasn’t a suicide attempt after all; she simply overdosed on pills, not realizing how many she took. She admitted to me that she has a drug problem and that she is taking responsibility for it, and that she was profoundly sorry for the pain she caused. We had such a beautiful moment – hard to describe, tears of joy shared by both of us.
My meditations have pretty much just focussed on sending her healing light, but I can’t really take credit for anything; she’s taking the steps she needs and maybe even get on a spiritual path of healing that will be suitable for her. Her honesty with me is the most important gift she gave me, so I will cherish that.
I just wanted to clear the air and make sure I didn’t put negative karma out there regarding the suicide vs. overdose – after I got the full story from her yesterday, I remembered my posting a message here, and thought that I was inadvertently posting something not accurate.
I now have a spark of hope for her. And I feel a bit better. I’m still going to continue with my meditation and Dharma classes as well as seeking therapy; kind of feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster.
Thanks again for your support and web site – I bookmarked it some time ago
Chris
This sounds like good advice for when strong emotions arise at any time, not just during meditation.
I have been having very strong emotions. Yesterday in my meditation – I actually fed my emotional response until it calmed and then returned to focusing on my breathing. Thanks Terri Jo Lorz
Very good article. Many years ago, I was involved with Shambhala. It was a very good experience for me, but I’ve since found my home in another (Tibetan Buddhist) tradition. But I do wish when I was in Shambhala that someone had clearly drawn the distinctio n you do here between the two components of an emotion. In my meditation , I would get confused about when to label something as “thinking, ” since sometimes there could seemingly be mental activity without an explicit verbal “story line” going on. Did that count as thinking or not? I wasn’t always sure.
Well it’s many years later and I’m only now really beginning to appreciate the subtleties of movement and energetic fluctuatio ns that can be taking place in what superficia lly might appear to be a still mind. So I find your article helpful not only in dealing with strong emotions, but more quiet emotions as well.
very good!
With the right understand ing as to the nature and interrelat ionship of thought, emotion, and physiologi cal impulses that are incited by the marriage of thought and emotion, a person can benefit greatly by the onset of stronger emotional incidents – they become welcome teachers that can accelerate progress in meditation , multiplyin g intuitive insight while making less intense emotions much easier to detect, process, and let go of in Awareness. After experienci ng this wonderful fact through a dedicated and serious mindful practice, one is encouraged when come upon by stronger emotions. Every emotion, thought and physical urge can be a practical and helpful instructor for a better life experience once a person learns through conscious, relentless control of Attention that we are not the mechanical mental events that rise and fall within us all day long.
Thank you David for a well written article. It is interestin g you would bring this up now. Our family pet just died and it was a very difficult situation for all of us. For myself, images of her suffering just kept going through my mind over and over like a repetitive movie bringing up the same pain over and over again. I did not want to sublimate the emotions but I thought there must be a way to stop the movie. I experience d it one time and that was really enough. I used the meditations at this website and they were extremely helpful, http://1ness4u.wordp ress.com/m editation/.
I found that I can stop the repetitive playing of the painful movie while still experienci ng her presence and memories of her. I am sure this would be applicable for any situation or person.